Caitlin. NJ. 24. Lesbian.
Stuff I really dig: observational humor, Futurama, pretty landscapes, horror films, Harry Potter
lava really pisses me off cuz like
i know it could melt my face off but then i see a picture like this and
i want to dip my hands in it
Today has been exhausting. I’ve been punishing myself. I’ve been awake since yesterday morning and I haven’t eaten today at all. And even though I didn’t eat, I went biking for 2 hours with the kids… and then I biked on my own for another hour and a half, really pushing it. All my thoughts were blurred. For awhile I didn’t care about anything. Just the wind in my face and the sun on my skin, with no destination ahead. Just keep going, going, going.
I’m drained yet wired. Here we go again. Around and around. I need to get off the ride. I thought I needed a hand to help pull me off but I need to do it all on my own.
I keep going through a vicious cycle of being okay and then somethig inside me snaps and I can’t eat or sleep. It honestly feels like I might have bipolar disorder. The past two weeks especially I have flip flopped between going and going until I burn out and then I crash and I’m bed ridden. I become numb. I feel everything and nothing all at once. I can’t explain it… I just don’t feel like me.
I hide it really well. No one even knows how fucked up my head really is. I mean Brenna has a clue but I don’t think she knows the full extent. I’m going to try to exercise more regularly to balance out my serotonin and dopamine levels. Chemical imbalance means imbalanced emotions and thoughts. I need to break the cycle. Soon.
I just can’t talk to any of my friends about how I’m feeling. I wish I knew how.